Do I use a lot of description here? If so, how would I go about minimizing it? (story?
Posted in Man United Wallpapers | 2 commentsDo I use a lot of description here? If so, how would I go about minimizing it? (story?: It’s everywhere, adverts for disposable shoes, eco-friendly motor scooters, reduced CO2 emission sports vehicles, reusable toilet paper and Nike. When you do anything public, you do it on ad space. You walk on linoleum, advertising the latest must-have gadgetry from Sony or the latest marketable, mediocre talented Disney starlet’s upcoming Coca-Cola World Tour, in the public bathrooms. The public bathroom is where the consumer is more vulnerable, whether the consumer has to sit down or stand up, because visual stimulation distractions relaxes you muscles and preoccupies your time being wasted… wasting. Men stare straight ahead (as to not be caught admiring their fellow urinal compadre) and stare straight into the asshole of capitalism. Most of the public bathrooms are privately owned by Kohler in the Pacific Northwest and they sell their ad space to every corporations from Apple to Walt Disney, the Corporations no longer worry about markets and target-audiences because the main objective and, arguably, the only objective is to sell, sell, sell. Advertising Agencies are a 20th century fad, whose main contribution to the world of Corporation was to desensitize Consumers enough that advertising was an extension of human decision making. Everything looks like a kaleidoscope of Consumer-friendly colours and literature. The entire world is trying to hawk brands at you and, unfortunately fortunately for Consumers, you buy, buy, buy. Every day, brands are making their ways into the dictionary; detergent was forced to give it’s meaning to Tide, toilet paper bullied to give it’s meaning to Charmin, tissue was blown out of the nose of the nose of the individual into a Kleenex, instant noodles were micro waved Ramen, every day brands become neologistic insurrections. University campuses and Primary playgrounds are corporate jam sessions; where everything from the benches to the monkey bars are logo’d. Caterpillar Monkey Bars and benches are floosies when it comes to ad space. The wallpaper in this bathroom and, in fact, schools, office buildings, convenient stores are Procter & Gamble owned. All brands sell ad space to brands and we’re caught in the crosshairs of these kissing cousins. Ads on top of ads on top of ads on top of humanity. We, no longer have quarrels about religion, life, love, friendship or sex but where you can find the best deal on Tide Brand tide or some brand or other. The way technology crept into your day to day life, advertising has accomplished with technology taking a supporting role and billed as Medium of Communications. Advertising was the tortoise in a race between Any Other Form of Mind Control vs. Avaricious Wants, Greed and Commodities. Religion only appeared to be winning. Advertising has taken over our life, one medium of communication at a time.
At present time, there is a bidding war between Coca- Cola and McDonald’s where the item being auctioned off is United States of (insert brand name here). It’s all very simple, people just got tired of choosing and with super brands taking out all of it’s competition our choices became severely limited. Brands decided to cash in on our limitations by buying more ad space and buying out everything from education to recreation or is it procreation? Since, weddings were being sponsored by some brand or another. And Corporations buying out children’s futures by paying the parents of the child thousands of dollars if they named the child Pepsi or Apple and the most common boy name in 2041 was the Nike swoosh.
It started with television, we all were desensitized and nobody/nothing stepped into to rub us with lubricate us with original ideas because in a brand world even respectable educational programming was cramming the latest everything down your metaphysical gullet with sporadic and random pop ups during History programmes of the Third Reich of McDonald’s sponsoring the programme you are currently watching. With virtually everyone in the “civilized” world desentised to megalo-branding, brands started to sensitize Consumers with whatever it was they were hawking at the beginning of this take over. Earth has been lowered in rank to share holder. You can also buy your shares of rain forests, woodlands, deserts and, most profitable in 2037-41, Alaskan wilderness. The way people use to be able to have a tree planted in their name, they have Kohler water fountains in the Mojave Desert with “Tom and Linda’s Kohler Water Fountain for a Better Tomorrow” written on the side… and the sad thing is that many took this sham as similar to the tree fiasco. Also, do not be alarmed by the Colgate-Palmolive safe havens in the Alaskan wilderness. Alas, the water is supplied by Coca-Cola owned Dasani.
Answer by Jeff
Your essay is a stream of consciousness, an unreadable collage of thought…
Ask yourself:
1. Who is the audience you want to influence?
2. What is the message you want to convey?
3. What is the desired outcome?
Answer these questions and you will distill your message.
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2 Responses to “ “Do I use a lot of description here? If so, how would I go about minimizing it? (story?”
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The amount of description isn’t the problem.
It starts and ends very abruptly. Before I have the slightest idea of the purpose of your writing, you’re already knee deep in a urinal. As far as the midsection goes, for the most part I agree, and I’m as disgusted by advertising as you seem to be. Ah, but that’s not the point. If what I were looking at was a small part of a larger whole, it might make more sense, but otherwise it needs better introduction and conclusion.
Also, I think it needs to be broken down some. Seeing a paragraph like the first one (before even reading one word!) is much like watching someone suck in a deep breath and then spewing out a hundred words a minute. Breathe! Take your time, organize your thoughts, break your ideas up into sizable nuggets, and pause in between so that the reader has a moment to process. It’s often better to break it up into too many paragraphs rather than too few.
Otherwise, I think it was a well worded attack on corporate whore-dom.
It makes sense but is way too wordy. You repeat the same point in different ways in order to foster belief. But I would lose a lot of them and combine the rest in order to make a few, very succinct points.
Also, I think advertising has changed from a service when it began, to an aggressive, obnoxious beast. I even have to be cautious when answering questions….lest I drag the cursor over an ad, and wake the beast who pops onto my screen….demanding attention.